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It's funny really. When I started this blog, I imagined myself reliving the past experiences event by event. I planned to take the list that I wrote in "For the Impatient Reader" & retell the stories by revisiting the fear that I experienced. It NEVER occured to me that I would have new experiences to write about. For some reason, I had no earthly idea that my story was to be continued.
Last night I retreated to watch a movie with the boys in their room while my husband watched his scary movie. I couldn't expect him to surrender it two nights in a row, so I didn't even try. They were already sprawled out across the floor on mattresses that had been pulled from their beds & I joined them. It wasn't long before my husband popped his head in & said that he was going on to bed too. The movie was almost over, but I just wasn't ready for bed yet. As the ending credits rolled, the boys & I decided to restart the movie. They hadn't seen Brother Bear since they were toddlers & had enjoyed it enough to be eager for more. I was relieved to have a chance to prolong the inevitable & settled in for another hour & a half of worry free cuddle time with my fellows.
I ended up sleeping in their room. After Brother Bear played for the 3rd time (I restarted it one more time after they fell asleep just for the noise), I turned the TV off & settled in on the floor for the night. I couldn't help but hope that I was making the right decision-- what if the activity was attached to me? What if it followed me to the last place in the world I would want it to go? What if I was opening my boys up to it? I prayed & meditated on the wonderful verses that were sent my way yesterday. I prayed for peace & somehow knew that it was right within reach. I couldn't see their clock, but I probably finally fell asleep around one or so. I woke up a few times, but overall I slept until around 10:30am! The only hint of any activity were the noises that I heard from across the hall, but I felt safe & protected & surrounded by the love of two little amazing guys.
I am finding new ways to cope & new sources of hope with each new day. If you are the praying type please keep the prayers coming! I am still on this journey & have no idea what is around the corner. I am hopeful, which is something that I couldn't have imagined myself being just a few nights ago! I wish I could leave you with an "AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER," but for now I have to be realistic & take it day by day. I hate to say this, but it is reality & simply has to be said--
TO BE CONTINUED
Lindsay, you have every right to expect Daniel to give up those movies. You have every right to ask him to. Do MUST be aggressive with this if you're going to stay in that house. You have to pray every minute of every day for your kids, for your husband, every time you move from one room to another. As Jesus said, you should also say, out loud, "Get behind me Satan!" And you should claim protection for yourself and your family using the name of Jesus every single time you feel uneasy and even when you don't. I'm praying for you, as you know, and will not stop doing so. But I'm counting on you to fight for yourself. I don't take it lightly when the evil one gets after my family. Don't make me come down there!!! Love you ~ Pam
ReplyDeleteI will continue to pray for you and your 3 guys. Like I've told you before, I can't even imagine what you're going through and I don't want to even begin to! I hope you'll get another great night of sleep tonight! Love ya girl!
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