It's funny really. When I started this blog, I imagined myself reliving the past experiences event by event. I planned to take the list that I wrote in "For the Impatient Reader" & retell the stories by revisiting the fear that I experienced. It NEVER occured to me that I would have new experiences to write about. For some reason, I had no earthly idea that my story was to be continued.
Last night I retreated to watch a movie with the boys in their room while my husband watched his scary movie. I couldn't expect him to surrender it two nights in a row, so I didn't even try. They were already sprawled out across the floor on mattresses that had been pulled from their beds & I joined them. It wasn't long before my husband popped his head in & said that he was going on to bed too. The movie was almost over, but I just wasn't ready for bed yet. As the ending credits rolled, the boys & I decided to restart the movie. They hadn't seen Brother Bear since they were toddlers & had enjoyed it enough to be eager for more. I was relieved to have a chance to prolong the inevitable & settled in for another hour & a half of worry free cuddle time with my fellows.
I ended up sleeping in their room. After Brother Bear played for the 3rd time (I restarted it one more time after they fell asleep just for the noise), I turned the TV off & settled in on the floor for the night. I couldn't help but hope that I was making the right decision-- what if the activity was attached to me? What if it followed me to the last place in the world I would want it to go? What if I was opening my boys up to it? I prayed & meditated on the wonderful verses that were sent my way yesterday. I prayed for peace & somehow knew that it was right within reach. I couldn't see their clock, but I probably finally fell asleep around one or so. I woke up a few times, but overall I slept until around 10:30am! The only hint of any activity were the noises that I heard from across the hall, but I felt safe & protected & surrounded by the love of two little amazing guys.
I am finding new ways to cope & new sources of hope with each new day. If you are the praying type please keep the prayers coming! I am still on this journey & have no idea what is around the corner. I am hopeful, which is something that I couldn't have imagined myself being just a few nights ago! I wish I could leave you with an "AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER," but for now I have to be realistic & take it day by day. I hate to say this, but it is reality & simply has to be said--